A short quiz for aspiring U.S. politicians

Class, today we have a short quiz.

quiz

1. Who made recently the following remarks:

I look forward to my second visit to Israel. The first time was a wonderful visit.

We will keep Israel's security a priority.

The bond between Israel and the United States is unbreakable... it goes deeper than just self-interest. ...there are shared valued, shared traditions.

It is not the United states' job to dictate the terms of how Israel defends itself.

The task right now is to mobilize the international community to make sure that [Iran is] not in a position to threaten Israel.

1. George Bush
2. Hillary Clinton
3. Barack Obama
4. Any of the Above

2. the Bond between Israel and the United states is...

1. a zero-coupon bond that never matures
2. a CDO backed by God's mortgage on the Holy Land
   
3. stock options in Lockheed-Martin
4. a leveraged bet on nuclear holocaust in the Middle east
   

3. The values Israel and the U.S. share are...

1. kicking ass
2. exterminating indigenous people
3. being chosen by God to suffer the burden of civilizing ingrates
   
4. any value that can be denominated in dollars

4. The only unpleasant thing about my last VIP tour of Israel was...

1. The wall hid the beauty of the settlements
2. the filipino maid didn't empty the trash basket
3. I had to listen to an endless roster of self-righteous jackasses drone about the Holocaust
   
4. CIA warned me all the call girls are Mossad

5. other countries the U.S. refuses to dictate how they should defend themselves are...

1. Venezuela
2. Russia
3. Iran
4. Tuvalu
   

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For answers, see here