Discover your inner Kurtz with an Israeli Safari

The 'Israel Law Center,' contrary to what you'd expect from the name, is not interested in such arcane things as legal principles, or that old-fashioned and discredited idea of 'equality before the law'. Indeed, the word 'law' in its name refers most likely to that common colonial expression, 'the law of the jungle.' So it is fitting that one of its important businesses is to organize Safaris for American Jews. Come to Israel, see the beasts, smell the blood, meet the hunters! Gone are the days you'd have to choose between risking your life as an 'explorer' or 'adventurer,' or wait for some Marlow to come back home and tell you riveting stories from the Heart of Darkness. Courtesy of the 'Israel Law Center' you can now have both the thrill of immersion in Kurtz's world and the safety of a five stars hotel room. Colonialism decaf.

The Ultimate Mission to Israel

Experience a dynamic and intensive eight day exploration of Israel's struggle for survival and security against Iran, Syria and Hezballah.

Join with doctors, attorneys, accountants, programmers and other professionals from around the world on an unparalleled and unprecedented Israeli reality-check at June 8 - 15, 2009 in Jerusalem:

* Briefing by Mossad officials and commanders of the Shin Bet

* Inside tour of the IAF unit who carries out targeted killings
* Live exhibition of penetration raids in Arab territory
* Observe a trial of Hamas terrorists in an IDF military court
* First hand tours of the Lebanese front-line military positions and the Gaza border check-points
* Inside tour of the controversial Security Fence and secret intelligence bases
* Meeting Israel's Arab agents who infiltrate the terrorist groups and provide real-time intelligence.

• Briefing by Israel's war heros who saved the country.
  
• Meetings with senior Cabinet Ministers and other key policymakers.
  
• Small airplane tour of the Galilee, Jeep rides in the Golan hights, water activities on Lake Kinneret, a cook-out barbecue and a Shabbat enjoying the rich religious and historic wonders of Jerusalem's Old City.

First Class Accomodation [sic!]

• Five-star accommodations at the Sheraton Plaza Jerusalem (Glatt Kosher);
• Personal cell phone for each participant.
• Three meals a day (all Kosher);
• Luxury bus transportation and knowledgeable tour guide;
  
• A dedicated Executive Communications Center at the hotel;
  

I'm particularly impressed with the Kosher food. Here's a thought for Dr. Simon Goldberg, Los Angeles, CA, quoted in the ad gushing over "the adventure of a lifetime" he "will never forget" from his Safari:

no matter how many Kosher meals you'll have, you and your fellow Safari tourists will always remain swine.